A second grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. One day, she asked Jimmy what his problem was. He replied, “I’m too smart for the second grade, my sister is in the fourth grade, and I’m smarter than her too.” The teacher took him to the principal’s office and explained the situation […]
Mrs. Donovan was walking down O’Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty. Aren’t ye Mrs. Donovan and didn’t I marry ye and yer hoosband two years ago?’ She replied, ‘Aye, that ye did, Father.’ The Father asked, ‘And be there any wee little ones yet?’ She replied, ‘No, not yet, Father.’ […]
After a meeting several days ago, I couldn’t find my keys. I quickly gave myself a personal and vigorous pat down. They weren’t in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys […]
On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The florist’s son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers. The candy-store owner’s daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy. Then the liquor-store owner’s son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it up and noticed that […]
The local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The volunteer in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. “Our research shows that out of a yearly income of more than $600,000 you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like […]
Lawyers should never ask a Grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer. In a trial in Mississippi, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand… a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?” She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, […]
A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks him, “Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?” Farmer: Some things you just can’t explain. Man: So what happened that’s so horrible? Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just […]
Be careful what you wear (or don’t wear), when working under your vehicle… especially in public. From the Morning Herald, Sydney Australia comes this story of a central west couple who drove their car to K-Mart only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on […]
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?” He replied, “Of course. What may I do for you?” “Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer for my mother’s birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I’m afraid […]
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a goose walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the goose’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s […]
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read: ‘Dear God, […]
Sam walks into his boss’s office. “Sir, I’ll be straight with you, I know the economy isn’t great, but I have over three companies after me, and I would like to respectfully ask for a raise.” After a few minutes of haggling the boss finally agrees to a 5% raise, and Sam happily gets up […]
