Two men were sitting at a bar talking about spaceships. First man: Did you know that my country will launch a spaceship to the sun today, at 12:pm? Second man: No, but that is brainless indeed First man: Why? Second man: If you launch at noon, the sun will burn you to dead. But my […]
A duck walks into a bar and says “Do you have duck food here?” The bartender says “No” and the duck leaves. The duck comes back the next day and says “Do you have duck food?” The bartender says “No.” The duck comes back the next day and says “Do you have any duck food?” […]
Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says: “You know last week I discovered that, if you jump from the top of this building, by the time you fall to the tenth floor, the winds around the building are so intense […]
A man is sitting alone at a bar. No one else is there except the bartender. All of a sudden, he hears someone say “Nice shirt.” He looks around, and nobody’s there. A little while later, he hears “I like your tie.” Looks around and, again, nobody’s there. Once again he hears the same voice […]
An alien walks into a bar and sits next to a drunk guy and begins poking him in the shoulder. The drunk guy just ignores him. After a wile the guy turns to the alien and begins looking him up and down. He notices that the alien has no genitalia. He then asks “You guys […]
One night after work a group of male friends go to a bar for a few drinks before heading home. After a while one of the group keeps seeing a leprachaun running up to his beer & blowing into it making a funny noise with his lips. At first he thinks he must be […]
Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV… The 10:00 news was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The blonde […]
A man walks in a bar and the bartender asks, “What’ll you have?” The man answers, “A scotch on the rocks, please.” The bartender hands him the drink, and says, “That’ll be five dollars.” “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this,” the man replies. A lawyer, sitting nearby and […]
A pirate walked into a bar and sat down for a drink. The bartender asked, “Gee you look awful, are you feeling okay?” “I feel fine, why do you ask?,” said the pirate. “Well your leg is half missing, you have a wooden peg leg!” “Arrr that happened a few years back, cannonball came right […]
Our anniversary was coming up, so my wife was hinting about what she wanted. She said, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds.” So I bought her a scale. And then the fight started… The following day I took my wife to a restaurant to make up for […]
Four guys have been going to the same Golfing trip to St Andrews for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Jack’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn’t going. Jack’s mates are very upset that he can’t go, but what can they do… Two days later, the three […]
Rich was talking to his buddy at the bar, and he said, “I don’t have a clue what to get my wife for her birthday – she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I’m stumped.” His buddy said, “I have an idea – why don’t you make up […]
