A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there […]
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, “You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for only $150.” The man thought about it and decided he would […]
A biker was riding along the beach when suddenly the sky formed clouds above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, “You have been very faithful to me, so I will grant you one wish.” Stunned and confused, the biker pulled over, looked up, and said, “Build me a bridge to Hawaii […]
A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner. A local politician and member of the congregation was to give a speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say a few words while they waited. “I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard. I […]
Three men approached the gates of heaven where they were immediately greeted by Saint Peter. “Hello good sirs, and welcome to the Kingdom of God. In heaven we have but one rule: DO NOT step on a duck.” “I’m sorry. Can you repeat that?” questioned one of the men. “Over the years, many misconceptions of […]
Aliens came to Earth from Mars and they turned out to be quite friendly. All the countries in the world agreed that they would send the Pope to talk with the alien leaders. The Pope walked up to the spaceship, greeted by a few aliens, and started conversing. “I know this question may sound […]
Dave comes home from the pub, drunkest he’s been in a long time, and collapses into bed next to his sleeping wife. Later, he’s woken by a brilliant flash of light at the end of his bed, which his still sleeping wife seems oblivious to. St. Peter appears in all his glory, standing over the […]
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?” “Of course. What may I do for you?” “Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer for my mother’s birthday. The dryer is unopened and well over the Customs limits; and I’m afraid they’ll […]
A man, his wife, and his mother in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away. The undertaker told them, “You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.00.” The man thought about it and told him […]
“I just can’t take it anymore” cried Larry to his Priest. “No matter how hard I try, I just can’t seem to put bread on the table!” “Larry, listen closely to what I am going to tell you,” said the Priest. “Go to a quiet place outdoors where you can spend some time with the […]
A friend of mine was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the vicar was standing at the door, as always, to shake hands with the worshipers. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. The vicar said to him, “You need to join the army of the […]
A young Catholic priest decided to enter a monastery. He joined one particularly strict sect. The head monk told him, at his indoctrination, that they were sworn to TOTAL silence. They could not speak one word at all. However, every ten years, they would be permitted to speak two words. After 10 years of total […]
