A second grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. One day, she asked Jimmy what his problem was. He replied, “I’m too smart for the second grade, my sister is in the fourth grade, and I’m smarter than her too.” The teacher took him to the principal’s office and explained the situation […]
Mrs. Donovan was walking down O’Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty. Aren’t ye Mrs. Donovan and didn’t I marry ye and yer hoosband two years ago?’ She replied, ‘Aye, that ye did, Father.’ The Father asked, ‘And be there any wee little ones yet?’ She replied, ‘No, not yet, Father.’ […]
****************************** In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery: Here lies an Atheist All dressed up And no place to go. ****************************** In a London, England cemetery: Here lies Ann Mann, Who lived an old maid But died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767 **************************** In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery: Anna Wallace: The children of Israel wanted bread, […]
A traveler became lost in the desert. Realizing his only chance for survival was to find civilization, he began walking. Time passed, and he became thirsty. More time passed, and he began feeling faint. Reduced to crawling, he was on the verge of passing out when he spied a tent about 500 meters in front […]
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. “I’m sorry, sir, but I am blind and can’t read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I’ll smell it and order […]
At age 4, success is… not peeing in your pants. At age 12, success is… having friends. At age 16, success is… having a driver’s license. At age 20, success is… having sex. At age 35, success is… having money. At age 50, success is… having money. At age 60, success is… having sex. At […]
A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing. The man repeats himself: “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” Again, the clerk doesn’t answer him. The guy asks several more […]
According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving […]
Can you imagine working at this outfit. It has a little over 500 employees with the following statistics: 29 have been accused of spousal abuse 7 have been arrested for fraud 19 have been accused of writing bad checks 117 have bankrupted at least two businesses 3 have been arrested for assault 71 cannot get […]
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. […]
Note: According to Steven Ward of Brunel University, London, this piece comes from “The Journalistic Excellence” column in the bi-weekly UK magazine Private Eye’s Colmanballs section. Jon Snow: “In a sense, Deng Xiaoping’s death was inevitable, wasn’t it?” Expert: “Er, yes.” (Channel 4 News) “As Phil De Glanville said, each game is unique, and this […]
Two thieves each sneak into a rich man’s party. During dinner the thieves marveled at how even the cutlery was made of gold, and both decided they would try to steal some. The first thief quietly slipped a golden spoon into his pocket, unaware that the second thief had witnessed this crime. After dinner, the […]
