I was having trouble with my computer. So I called David, the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over. David clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, I called after him, “So, what was wrong?” He replied, “It […]
A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, “Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?” The husband says, “What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?” A few days go by, and he comes […]
I was walking down the street the other day when I saw my best friend Jeff. I walked up to him and mentioned that I had the craziest dream the other night. Jeff listened as I told him that the dream consisted of just one thing. A huge glowing number “5”. It was made of […]
Norman is 89 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement over 20 years ago. One day he arrives home upset. “That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight is so bad that once I hit the ball I can’t see where the dang thing goes.” His wife sympathizes […]
Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, the pretty girl said, “I would like to buy this material for my new dress. How much does it cost?” “Only one kiss per yard,” replied the male clerk with a smirk on his face. “That’s fine,” said the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.” With expectation and […]
Reaching the end of an extensive job interview, the HR person asked a young Engineer fresh out of college, “And what starting salary were you looking for?” The engineering graduate said, “In the range of $100,000 – 125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The HR person said, “Well, what would you say to […]
A man walks in a bar and the bartender asks, “What’ll you have?” The man answers, “A scotch on the rocks, please.” The bartender hands him the drink, and says, “That’ll be five dollars.” “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this,” the man replies. A lawyer, sitting nearby and […]
In an elementary school lesson, a little girl in the class raised her hand and said: “I just learned that Jonah in the bible was swallowed by a whale.” The teacher explained that it is physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it is a very large mammal, its throat […]
A pirate walked into a bar and sat down for a drink. The bartender asked, “Gee you look awful, are you feeling okay?” “I feel fine, why do you ask?,” said the pirate. “Well your leg is half missing, you have a wooden peg leg!” “Arrr that happened a few years back, cannonball came right […]
A frog walks into a bank and approaches the teller, whose name plate says Patricia Whack. “Miss Whack, I’d like to get a $50,000 loan to take a vacation.” Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. “Kermit Jagger. My father is Mick Jagger. It will be fine to authorize the loan, […]
Two guys were out walking their dogs on a hot day, when they pass by a pub. Mike looks at his friend John and says “Let’s go in there for a quick drink.” John replies with, “They won’t let us in with our dogs.” “Sure they will, just follow my lead.” Mike walks up to […]
A store that sells husbands has just opened in ???? City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE ! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the […]
