A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks him, “Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?” Farmer: Some things you just can’t explain. Man: So what happened that’s so horrible? Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just […]
Be careful what you wear (or don’t wear), when working under your vehicle… especially in public. From the Morning Herald, Sydney Australia comes this story of a central west couple who drove their car to K-Mart only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on […]
This is from an article in the Wall Street Journal, Tuesday July 22, 1997, about the Dutch firm that has been hired to manage the International Arrivals Building at New York’s John F. Kennedy Airport. The tile under the urinals in the Arrivals Building has that familiar lemony tinge; rubber soles stick to it. Over […]
Note: Steven Ward of Brunel University, London, wrote me to say that this is an urban legend. A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against … get this … fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make […]
The US Air Force must have given up on the Fault Tree Analysis they had developed in 1959. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. Problem: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. Solution: Almost replaced left inside main tire. Problem: Test flight […]
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked “Is my time up?” God answered, “No, you have another 40 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.” Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay […]
Deductive reasoning is a lot simpler than many people realize. Just see if it isn’t: Neighbour 1: “Hi, there, new neighbour, it sure is a mighty nice day to be moving.” New Neighbour: “Yes, it is and people around here seem extremely friendly.” Neighbour 1: “So what is it you do for a living?” New […]
A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old officer. He tells the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.” The rancher says, “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there,” as he points out the location. The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, ” Mister, […]
On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumoured to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction. After being persuaded to go, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine […]
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs. “I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE…” “I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO…” “I PRAY FOR […]
Norman is 89 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement over 20 years ago. One day he arrives home upset. “That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight is so bad that once I hit the ball I can’t see where the dang thing goes.” His wife sympathizes […]
Tom and Matt were best of friends, they played football every single week for nearly 50 years. As they were getting older, they had an argument about whether people play football in heaven. So they agreed that whoever dies first will come back in a dream and let the other one know if they […]
