The difference between men talking and women talking. Two women talking: Woman 1: “Oh! You got a haircut! That’s so cute!” Woman 2: “Do you think so? I wasn’t sure when she gave me the mirror. I Mean, you don’t think it’s too fluffy looking?” Woman 1: “No, it’s perfect. I would love to get […]
A psychology professor asked his students just one question for their final exams: “How are you going to make me believe that the chair in front of you is invisible?” It took all students an hour to finish the answer, except a lazy student who took only 5 seconds. Eventually, the lazy student got the […]
[The phone rings at FBI headquarters.] “Hello?” “Hello, is this FBI?” “Yes. What do you want?” “I’m calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood.” “This will be noted.” Next day, the FBI comes over to Tom’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece […]
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend: “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replied, “I see […]
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him […]
An Engineer dies and goes to hell. He’s hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was […]
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage, a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you could talk.” The monkey looked up at […]
Tom and Matt were best of friends, they played football every single week for nearly 50 years. As they were getting older, they had an argument about whether people play football in heaven. So they agreed that whoever dies first will come back in a dream and let the other one know if they […]
Our anniversary was coming up, so my wife was hinting about what she wanted. She said, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds.” So I bought her a scale. And then the fight started… The following day I took my wife to a restaurant to make up for […]
Fred and Mary got married, but can’t afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred’s parent’s home for their first night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred’s little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and […]
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.” Horrified, Katie told her […]
An elderly gentleman went to see his doctor and asked for a prescription of Viagra. The doctor said, “That’s no problem. How many do you want?” The man answered, “Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces.” The doctor said, “That won’t do you any good.” The elderly gentleman said, “That’s […]
