A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner. A local politician and member of the congregation was to give a speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say a few words while they waited. “I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard. I […]
On his 60th birthday, Jeff bought himself a brand new Corvette convertible. He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head. “This is great,” he thought as he roared down the Florida highway. He decided to see how […]
A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly […]
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: “My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb.” “Well put,” the judge […]
A doctor and an engineer entered a chocolate store. As they were busy looking around, the doctor stole 3 chocolate bars. As they left the store, the doctor said to engineer, “Man! I’m the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolate bars and no one saw me. You can’t beat that.” The engineer replied, “Okay, […]
A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says to himself with caution, “This guy looks edible, never seen his kind before.” So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic but as he’s about to run he sees some […]
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, “I’m sorry, your duck, Cuddles has passed away.” The distressed woman […]
A guy sees a sign in front of a house: “Talking Dog for Sale.” He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there. “You talk?” he asks. “Sure do,” the dog replies. “Sooo, what’s your […]
Three old ladies were sitting at the dinner table discussing their problems with getting old. The first one said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can’t remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich.” The […]
There were four University sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an A so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and […]
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read: ‘Dear God, […]
Today while making dinner with the entire family, my dad asked my younger sister to get the meat out the freezer above the fridge. My sister opens the fridge and is on her toes to reach the meat. You can hear the determination in her exhales as she tries stretching her body to it’s maximum. […]
