It was Grandpa Jones’ 100th birthday and he was still in perfect health. At his birthday party he was asked how he managed to live so long and stay so fit. He explained, “I put my long life down to spending so much time out of doors. I’ve been in the open air, day after […]
Joe was sitting at a bar. He was totally depressed. The bartender, serving him a drink, asked what was wrong. “I’ll never understand women.” – said Joe. “The other night on my birthday, my wife said as my gift, I could do with her what I wanted.” “Wow! That’s quite some gift.” – said the […]
The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep. “Excuse me for disturbing you, ma’am,” he said politely, “but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I’ve noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with […]
“Look at ME!!” boasted the fit old man, pounding a very flat and firm stomach, having just finished 100 situps before a group of young people. “Fit as a fiddle! And you want to know why? I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I don’t stay up late, and I don’t chase after loose women!!” He […]
A lady was throwing a party for her granddaughter and had gone all out… a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party started, two bums showed up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman told them that she would give them a meal if they will help chop […]
A man asked his wife, “What would you most like for your birthday?” She said, “I’d love to be ten again.” On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park – the Death Slide, The […]
A few months before his sixtieth birthday, George began planning his party. He called up his 30-year-old daughter for some help. “Why don’t you invite all your old high school buddies?” she asked. “That could be a lot of fun.” “I’d like to bring all my high school buddies to the party,” said George, “but […]
Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in […]
They decided to venture inland to see if they could find someone. The men came across a village in the middle of a jungle, immediately they were surrounded by a tribe of islanders. The chief walks to the men and says, ” What do you choose, Death or Boogaloo?” The first man thinks for a […]
Teacher: “Why did you laugh?” Boy 1: “I saw a strap of your bra.” Teacher: “You are punished to stay out of school for one week.” Boy 2 laughed… Teacher: “Why did you laugh?” Boy 2: “I saw your bra straps.” Teacher: “You are punished to stay out of school for one month.” Teacher bent […]
One night a little girl walks in on her parents having sex. The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops. “What are you doing, Mommy?” The mother too embarrassed to tell her little girl about sex so she makes up an […]
A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly said, “That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair.” …. the girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister, “My monkey […]
