A drunk guy walks into a bar and walks up to a guy and says, “I just had sex with your mom!” The guy walks away angrily. A few minutes later the drunk guy comes up to the guy again and says, “I just had great sex with your mom!” The guy walks away […]
Paddy was planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride is a virgin. The doctor said, “Well, you need three things from a do it yourself shop. A can of red paint, a can of blue paint… and a shovel.” Paddy asked, “And what do I do […]
A man drives into a gas station. The attendant goes to fill his tank and notices 5 penguins in the back seat. The attendant says, “Hey – why do you have 5 penguins in your car?” The driver says, “I KNOW! I was just stopped at a light back there and they climbed into my […]
Cousin Elly, who happens to be blonde, is the world’s worst at getting instructions mixed up. When she got married, her husband bought her one of those fancy, electric coffee makers. It had all the latest gadgets on it. Salesman Riley carefully explained how everything worked; how to plug it in, set the timer, go […]
A blonde woman walks into a bank in New York City before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan. The banker asks, “Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?” The woman says, “Yes, of course. I’ll use my Rolls Royce.” The banker, stunned, asks, “A $250,000 Rolls Royce? […]
He was in ecstasy, with a huge smile on his face, as his wife moved forward, then backwards, forward, then backwards again, back and forth, back and forth… in and out… in and out. It was going on for 10 minutes at this point… Her heart was pounding… her face was flushed… then she moaned, […]
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, there are three kinds of Boobs. In her 20′s, a woman’s are like melons, round and firm. In her 30′s to 40′s, they are like pears, still nice […]
An American businessman is entertaining some overseas business guests on the golf course. The first guest, who is from Italy, tees off and hits a good shot 200 yards down the fairway. As the American businessman knows a small amount of Italian he says: “Buon tiro”, which means “Good shot”. The Italian businessman replies: “Grazie”. […]
A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made. “Olympic condoms?”, she blurts, “What makes them so special?” “There are three colors”, he replies, “Gold, Silver and Bronze.” “What color are you […]
A chemistry professor wanted to teach the 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms. “Now, class. Observe closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the […]
Frank was getting ready to go on a trip to New York for the first time, and was talking to his friend Bill. Bill: “While you are in New York, there is a bar that you have to go to. When you walk through the front door, you are handed a free drink. Then […]
Woman: “I can make the boss give me the day off.” Man: “And how would you do that?” Woman: “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling. Boss comes in: “What are you doing?” Woman: “I’m a light bulb.” Boss: “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you […]
