With tears in his eyes, the little boy told his kindergarten teacher that only one pair of boots was left in the classroom and they weren’t his. The teacher searched and searched, but she couldn’t find any other boots. “Are you sure these boots aren’t yours?” – she asked. “I’m sure,” the little boy sobbed. […]
10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless. 9. A better model is always just around the corner. 8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home. 7. It is always necessary to have a backup. 6. They’ll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons. 5. The […]
Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet. After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, “Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?” The third fellow says, “I’ll tell you. […]
Customer: “My youngest son was surfing the web last night and to my shock he was at a British comedy site.” Tech Support: “Yes, what is the problem?” Customer: “The ‘.uk’ at the end — doesn’t that stand for United Kingdom?” Tech Support: “Yes.” Customer: “Just great — I knew it! He’s in trouble now! […]
The teacher began: “Can anyone in class tell us the meaning of axis?” “I can, Sir. Here goes: The axis of the earth is an imaginary line that passes from one pole to the other and on which the earth revolves.” “Very good,” the teacher said, “but could you hang clothes on that line?” “Yep! […]
Teacher: “If your father earned $50,000 a month and gave your mother half, what would she have?” Student: “Heart failure or maybe a stroke!” Teacher: “In the alphabet, what comes after ‘O’?” Student: “Yeah.” Teacher: “Attention class! First off, who can name a deadly poison?” Charlie: “I can, teacher. Aviation. One drop and you’re dead.”
Outside, there’s a terrible thunderstorm. Finally, one of the men thinks that it’s time to leave. Since he has drunk a lot, he decides to walk home. “But aren’t you afraid of being struck by lightning?” his friend asks. “Not at all. Statistics shows that, in this part of the country, one person per year […]
Some engineers are trying to measure the height of a flag pole. They only have a measuring tape and are quite frustrated trying to keep the tape along the pole: It falls down all the time. A mathematician comes along and asks what they are doing. They explain it to him. “Well, that’s easy…” He […]
A graduate student of mathematics who used to come to the university on foot every day arrives one day on a fancy new bicycle. “Where did you get the bike from?” his friends want to know. “It’s a `thank you’ present”, he explains, “from that freshman girl I’ve been tutoring. But the story is kind […]
A newlywed husband is discouraged by his wife’s obsession with mathematics. Afraid of being second fiddle to her profession, he finally confronts her: “Do you love math more than me?” “Of course not, dear – I love you much more!” Happy, although sceptical, he challenges her: “Well, then prove it!” Pondering a bit, she responds: […]
At the end of his course on mathematical methods in optimization, the professor sternly looks at his students and says: “There is one final piece of advice I’m going to give you now: Whatever you have learned in my course – never ever try to apply it to your personal lives!” “Why?” the students ask. […]
A mathematician gives a talk intended for a general audience. The talk is announced in the local newspaper, but he expects few people to show up because nobody who is not a mathematician will be able to make any sense of the title: Convex sets and inequalities. To his surprise, the auditorium is crammed when […]
