Thinking that the presidential candidate needed to show a more human side of himself, his committee advised him to visit an old age home. Walking into the room of an old man, with the cameras whirring, the nominee was surprised when the old man offered him some peanuts from a bowl on the table. “Thank […]
At the urging of Harry’s wife and doctor, 50 year old Harry finally made it to the gym. After consulting with one of the trainers, Harry decided to try out a steep treadmill. “Ok”, said the trainer “I’m going to set it for ten minutes, if you want to go longer just press start again.” […]
The neighbours thought it was odd, but 93 year old Morton was dating again. One Monday morning Morton woke up with a funny feeling that something important happened last night. It was during breakfast that Morton finally remembered what it was. He had proposed to his date Greta. But what she answered he just couldn’t […]
One day, while strolling down the boardwalk, John bumped into an old friend of his, Rob, from high school. “You look great John, how do you stay looking so young? Why you must be 60 already but you don’t look a day over 40!” Rob exclaimed. “I feel like I’m 40 too!” replied John. “That’s […]
“C’mon Mom you have got to try it” I pleaded to my elderly Mother. I don’t know how my Mother lasted this long without ever using the internet, but enough was enough! I thought. “OK” she said reluctantly settling down by the computer and slowly putting on her reading glasses “what do I do now?” […]
There were four teenagers who played hooky one morning. Upon coming to class in the afternoon, they reported that their lateness was because their car got a flat tire. “That’s fine,” the teacher said much to the students relief. “But there was an oral test this morning which you boys have to make up, so […]
After sending our son away to college, he would often [too often] call up asking for money. One time when he called, my husband answered, “sure we will send you money” he said, “and I also noticed that you left your Physics book here, should we send that also?” “Uh, oh yeah, OK,” he responded. […]
Recently divorced, I moved back to my home town hoping to start over again. A few weeks later, while making a dentist appointment, I was surprised to see that I recognized the dentist’s name as a good looking boy from my high school 20 years ago. However, upon walking into the dentist’s office, I quickly […]
A friend of mine was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the vicar was standing at the door, as always, to shake hands with the worshipers. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. The vicar said to him, “You need to join the army of the […]
Three men, a Frenchman, an Italian, and a Jew, were condemned to be executed. Their captors told them that they had the right to have a final meal before the execution. They asked the Frenchman what he wanted. “Give me some good French wine and French bread,” he requested. So they gave it to him, […]
A young Catholic priest decided to enter a monastery. He joined one particularly strict sect. The head monk told him, at his indoctrination, that they were sworn to TOTAL silence. They could not speak one word at all. However, every ten years, they would be permitted to speak two words. After 10 years of total […]
A religious woman upon waking up each morning would open her front door stand on the porch and scream, “Praise the lord.” This infuriated her atheist neighbour who would always make sure to counter back, “there is no Lord.” One morning the atheist neighbour overheard his neighbour praying for food, thinking it would be funny, […]
