Did you hear the story about the middle aged lady who went to the casino? Sandy went to the casino for the first time and ended up by a table playing roulette. “How does one decide which number to pick?” She wondered aloud. “I picked my age” suggested an older gentleman on her left. So […]
“Mom, can I have an animal cracker?” asked 3 year old Bob. “Sure Bob,” said his mom. “Open up the box, and take a few.” Forty five minutes later Bob’s mother walked into the kitchen. “Bob, why’d you spill out all of the animal crackers, and what are you looking for?” “It said on the […]
Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That’s so cute! Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn’t sure when she was gave me the mirror. I mean, you don’t think it’s too fluffy looking? Woman 1: Oh God no! No, it’s perfect. I’d love to get my hair cut like that, but I think […]
Although Barbara was very generous with her money, and did give away a lot of it to charity, she had one hangup. She refused to answer the door for solicitors. Instead she would have one of her maids answer the door and give a donation. Given the circumstances, the maid was quite surprised to see […]
“Harry,” whined Mary, to her husband of 20 years. “What should I do?! I’m not ready for old age! I’m only 40 years old but I look and feel like I’m over 55! My face is all wrinkly, my back is bent over, and my hair is all thinned out.” “Well,” said Harry after looking […]
“Alright! I’ll drive them to the field trip tomorrow,” sighed my neighbour resignedly. Sure enough the next day found her with a van full of 7 to 10 year olds. Clearly distracted, my neighbour cruised right through a stop sign, “Don’t you know how to stop?” Screamed the exasperated crossing guard, running towards the car. […]
“Hey guys who wants to hear a blonde joke?” Said a blind old man after settling himself down on a stool in the bar. The question was met with dead silent. After a few second pause, the bartender walked up to the blind fella and put his face right up to his nose and said […]
A lady rubbed a bottle and a genie popped out. “You have one wish” said the genie. “Hey” countered the lady “I thought I get three wishes?” “Not from me” said the genie “I’m not that powerful.” “OK” responded the lady taking out a map, “I am making a wish for peace between this country……… […]
A lady went to a psychiatrist complaining of a terrible phobia. “Every time I lay down on my bed I get this terrible fear that there is something underneath. “Wow” responded the psychiatrist “I’ve never heard of such a phobia, but like all phobias it can be treated, but it will likely take around 20 […]
I live in Canada, a plane ride away from my family, so I was very excited to inform my twin 3 year olds that we were going to go on a plane to see my family. It was after a few days that it struck me that they seemed nervous about it. After talking it […]
The CEO of a large company was walking to the cafeteria along with two of his secretaries. Upon tripping on a bottle, a genie appeared and asked the threesome if they would like to each make a wish. The first secretary excitedly exclaimed, “I wish I was on a beach in a tropical island!” Immediately […]
An older couple were walking on a beach when the husband tripped over a bottle and a genie came out. “You can each have one wish,” said the genie. The wife made her wish first “I would like to travel around the world, with my husband,”. Suddenly there appeared in her hand two tickets to […]
