“And this over here” croaked the 90 year old museum tour guide, “is a fossil 4 million and 69 years old, on it’s left you can see another fossil that’s 2 million and 69 years old.” “Wow! That’s really fascinating,” said a fellow in the audience, “how can you age it so accurately to the […]
Brian hit rock bottom. He was going to jail for insider trading and it couldn’t get much worse than that. As the jail warden brought Brian to his cell, Brian’s worst fears were materialized. Sitting hunched over on a bed was his soon to be roommate. He was a hunk of a man wearing a […]
“Sir you have got to help!” said the tearful man at the door. “There is a family that I know very well that is in desperate need of money. The Father has been out of a job for over a year, they have five kids at home with barely a bit of food to eat. […]
“OK everyone,” said the the instructor at the birthing class trying to get everyone’s attention. “We are going to do an exercise now, the purpose is to help the men sympathize with their partners.” “We have here what’s called a pregnancy suit,” said the woman instructor, holding up an artificial stomach with a strap. “This […]
“Alright! I’ll drive them to the field trip tomorrow!” Sighed my neighbor resignedly. Sure enough the next day found her with a van full of 7 to 10 year olds. Clearly distracted, my neighbor cruised right through a stop sign, “Don’t you know how to stop?” Screamed the exasperated crossing guard, running towards the car. […]
Lauren was frustrated. She had complained dozens of times to her daughter about her newest gag of kissing the bathroom mirror immediately after applying lipstick, but it was all to no avail. Finally, one day after spending a half hour scrubbing the mirror, only to find another kiss mark an hour later, Lauren had enough. […]
“Oh no! not leftovers again!” complained my older sister when she saw the leftover meatloaf on the table from last nights supper. “Young lady” responded my father sternly, “do you know how many people would love to have a delicious supper like this?! You should be ashamed of yourself! Now before we start eating I […]
Lisa, a 16 year old girl, nervously brought her most recent boyfriend home with her to meet her parents. Although Lisa was very fond of him, she was nervous about what sort of impression he’d make on her parents. After all, he was full of tattoos and rings all over his body. “Mom,” said Lisa […]
“Honey!” screamed my wife, running outside to my bike once again, “did you double check that Herbie’s seat is attached securely?!” “Yeah, let me check that just one more time” I muttered, checking the seat for what must have been the tenth time. “OK”, I said nervously, to my two year old Herby, “are you […]
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: “Hi, how are you?” I’m not the type to start a conversation in the men’s restroom, but I don’t know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, ‘I’m doing just fine.” And the other guy says: “So, what […]
An elderly Florida couple, Sam and Bessie, are holidaying in Las Vegas. Sam always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, Sam buys them, and wears them back to the hotel, walking proudly. He walks into their room and says to his wife, “Notice anything different about me?” Bessie […]
I was in Target with my wife when my wife said, “you know, I feel like Billy is too big to still be wearing Micky Mouse underwear, don’t you think he should be wearing something more manly, like superman underwear?” All it took was a shrug of my shoulders and there were nine new pairs […]
