A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, “You should do it because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, “You are in charge of cooking around here and you […]
Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church’s morals, kept sticking her nose into other people’s business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she […]
“I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth you will enter heaven, but if you lie … hell is waiting for you,” God told them. To the first man God asked, “How many times did you cheat on your wife?” The first man replied, “I was a good husband. […]
There, he is met by a reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available. He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, and spends the next eon or so learning the languages. After becoming […]
Three knuckleheads died in a car accident and landed in heaven together. God addressed the first one, “Before you are allowed to enter heaven you must answer a question. What can you tell me about Easter?” The first one looked puzzled for a moment then said, “Oh, I know. That’s the holiday in the fall […]
After a preacher died and went to heaven, he noticed that a New York cab driver had been awarded a higher place than he. “I don’t understand,” he complained to God. “I devoted my entire life to my congregation.” “Our policy here in heaven is to reward results,” God explained. “Now, was your congregation […]
God is sitting in heaven when a scientist says to Him… “God, we don’t need you anymore. Science has finally figured out a way to create life out of nothing – in other words, we can now do what you did in the beginning.” “Oh, is that so? Tell Me,” replies God. “Well,” says […]
After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for an orientation session. They are all asked the same question: “When you are in your casket and family and friends are mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say about you?” The first guy responds: “I would like to […]
GREAT TRUTHS… THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED 1) No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats. 2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair. 3) If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person. 4) Never ask your 3-year old […]
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. “Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3:00 in the morning!” He slams […]
A redneck with a bucket full of live fish was approached recently by a game Warden in Central Mississippi as he started to drive his boat away from a lake. The game warden asked the man, “May I see your fishing license please?” “Naw, sir,” replied the redneck. “I don’t need none of them there […]
This may seem a little too risque to some, but it’s so True… and Funny! They always ask at the office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what’s wrong… and sometimes it’s embarrassing. There’s nothing worse than a Doctor’s Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong […]
