A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds,” the doctor assured. When the woman returned, she shocked […]
A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the Garage, ‘Hey Doc, want to take a look at […]
Two doctors and an HMO manager died and lined up at the pearly gates for admission to heaven. St. Peter asked them to identify themselves. One doctor stepped forward and said, “I was a pediatric spine surgeon and helped kids overcome their deformities.” St. Peter said, “You can enter heaven.” The second doctor said, “I […]
One day, in line at the cafeteria, Bob says to Stanley, “My elbow hurts like crazy. I guess I’d better see a doctor.” “Listen, Bob, you don’t have to spend that kind of money,” Stan replies. “There’s a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you […]
An elderly man in Louisiana owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, […]
A man feared his wife wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the […]
Lawyers should never ask a Grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer. In a trial in Mississippi, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand… a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?” She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, […]
An atheist created a case in court against the upcoming Easter and Passover holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians, Jews and observances of their holy days. The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days. The case was brought before a judge. […]
Little Johnny went to Sunday school one Sunday. The lesson for the day was from Genesis. “God opened up Adam’s side, took a rib from him, and created Eve from it,” was what really struck Johnny. Later, that afternoon, Johnny started feeling sick, and his side began to hurt. He layed down on the couch, […]
Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws. You can’t get married to your sweetheart because there’s a law against it. You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it. Somebody hollers “Hoe […]
1. I’ve smoked fatter joints than that. 2. Ahh, it’s cute. 3. Who circumcised you? 4. Why don’t we just cuddle? 5. You know they have surgery to fix that. 6. It’s more fun to look at. 7. Make it dance. 8. You know, there’s a tower in Italy like that. 9. Can I […]
10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk, But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk. 9. Our love will never become cold and hollow, Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow. 8. I bought this Valentine’s card at the store, In hopes that, later, you’d be my whore. 7. This […]
