Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in […]
They decided to venture inland to see if they could find someone. The men came across a village in the middle of a jungle, immediately they were surrounded by a tribe of islanders. The chief walks to the men and says, ” What do you choose, Death or Boogaloo?” The first man thinks for a […]
“How many cigars do you smoke a day?” “About ten.” “What do they cost you?” “Twenty cents a piece.” “My, that’s two dollars a day. How long have you been smoking?” “Thirty years.” “Two dollars a day for thirty years is a lot of money.” “Yes, it is.” “Do you see that office building on […]
One of them spots a hole in the ground that looks unusually deep. He picks up a rock and throws it in the hole, and never hears it hit the bottom. “Try something heavier”, the other man suggests. They find a rusty old anvil nearby, pick it up and throw it down the hole. Five […]
A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal. Before the final match, the Irish wrestler’s trainer came to him and said, “Now, don’t forget all the research we’ve done on this Russian. He’s never lost a match because of this ‘pretzel’ hold he has. It ties you […]
A man drives into a gas station. The attendant goes to fill his tank and notices 5 penguins in the back seat. The attendant says, “Hey – why do you have 5 penguins in your car?” The driver says, “I KNOW! I was just stopped at a light back there and they climbed into my […]
A blonde woman walks into a bank in New York City before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan. The banker asks, “Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?” The woman says, “Yes, of course. I’ll use my Rolls Royce.” The banker, stunned, asks, “A $250,000 Rolls Royce? […]
Woman: “I can make the boss give me the day off.” Man: “And how would you do that?” Woman: “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling. Boss comes in: “What are you doing?” Woman: “I’m a light bulb.” Boss: “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you […]
What did the chemist say when he found two isotopes in helium? HeHe. What weapon can you make with potassium, nickel, and iron? A KNiFe. Where and how frequently do chemists have sex? On the table, periodically. What do you call the males of a tribe called Ganese? Manganese. Why did the chemist help the […]
A group of students were discussing which of their specialties was of the most practical use. A fellow student appeared at the table with a large pink gin. The chemist proceeded to explain why it was pink in color. The physicist measured the specific gravity. The mathematician calculated the cost per unit volume. The doctor […]
A student goes into his lab right at the end of the class hour. Fearing he’ll get an “F”, he asks a fellow student what she’s been doing. “We’ve been observing water under the microscope. We’re supposed to write up what we see.” The page of her notebook is filled with little figures resembling circles […]
Santa Claus makes his way down the chimney, and is met by a lovely young woman in a robe. She says, “Santa, how about giving me a special present. I know you’d like to come into my bedroom.” Santa responds, “Ho! Ho! Ho! Gotta go. Gotta go. Gotta deliver all these toys to the […]
