“Brian, what’s wrong with you? You’ve been sitting at your desk looking depressed for the last five minutes!” “Oh Dan,” responded Brian, “I don’t know what to do! I got in a big fight last night with my Suzie, she claims I never buy her gifts, so I must not care about her!” “Brian, that’s […]
Mark was passing by the bar on the way home from work when he sees his good friend Tom gulping down one shot after another. Fearing the worst, Mark charged into the bar and confronted Tom. “Tom, what’s going on?” Mark asked. “It’s my wife Beckie,” Tom replied. “She ran off with my best friend!” […]
So there was this female business executive who was late for a meeting. She is going 65 on a street where the speed limit is 40. A cop pulls her over and says “ma’am, can I please see your license?” She says “I’m sorry, officer, but I got it revoked two years ago for drunk […]
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer. You lick your coffeepot clean. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee. You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers. People get dizzy just watching you. Instant coffee […]
John had been a red cross responder for years, but there was still one incident that happened in his first year on the job, that he would never forget. They had been searching a rocky river for hours searching for a woman by the name of Wendy. After many fruitless attempts at calling “Wendy, it’s […]
A drunk phoned the local police department to report that thieves had been in his car. “They have stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator,” he cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time, and the same voice came over the line. “Nevermind,” […]
Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.” “Alright,” says the cop, […]
Jeff was fast asleep in his at bed at 3:00 am when he heard an urgent knocking at the door. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes he made his way to the door. “Can you give me a push”, asked the man at the door.” Jeff looked at the man, thinking he looked […]
A cop pulled over a car and finds a young couple in the front seat. “Where’s your seat belt young man?” asked the cop. “Oh, I just took if off now when you were walking up to the car”, responded the man. “No you didn’t!” exclaimed his wife, “you never wear your seat belt!”. A […]
‘Bob’s Tavern’ was right next door to a cemetery. One day in mid winter a drunk stumbled out of the tavern. Due to his drunk state he wasn’t careful where he was going and he fell into a freshly dug grave. “Help!” Screamed the drunk on the top of his lungs, “I’m freezing!” Before long […]
Tom’s wife was hosting a dinner party for some of her close friends, at their summer home. Moment’s before the guests were scheduled to arrive, she asked Tom if he would be ever so gracious to walk a block down to the beach to pick up some fresh snails for the party. On his way […]
A colleague and I were fitting clothes for a fashion show benefit. All the models were residents of our small town, including the local doctor. He tried on one outfit and then asked, “what should I do next?” gleefully seizing the opportunity my friend replied, “go to the dressing room remove your clothes put on […]
