Category: General Jokes

The devoted husband
July 10, 2014

The devoted husband

An elderly American couple went on holiday to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker explained to the husband that “You can have her shipped home for $5,000 or you can have her buried here in the Holy Land for $150.” The man thought about it and told him that he […]

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A priest dies and goes to heaven
July 10, 2014

A priest dies and goes to heaven

  There, he is met by a reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available. He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, and spends the next eon or so learning the languages. After becoming […]

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Three knuckleheads
July 10, 2014

Three knuckleheads

Three knuckleheads died in a car accident and landed in heaven together. God addressed the first one, “Before you are allowed to enter heaven you must answer a question. What can you tell me about Easter?” The first one looked puzzled for a moment then said, “Oh, I know. That’s the holiday in the fall […]

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A preacher died and went to heaven
July 10, 2014

A preacher died and went to heaven

  After a preacher died and went to heaven, he noticed that a New York cab driver had been awarded a higher place than he. “I don’t understand,” he complained to God. “I devoted my entire life to my congregation.” “Our policy here in heaven is to reward results,” God explained. “Now, was your congregation […]

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Heaven Joke
July 10, 2014

Heaven Joke

  After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for an orientation session. They are all asked the same question: “When you are in your casket and family and friends are mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say about you?” The first guy responds: “I would like to […]

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Great truths of age
July 10, 2014

Great truths of age

GREAT TRUTHS… THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED 1) No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats. 2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair. 3) If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person. 4) Never ask your 3-year old […]

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Gay Translator
July 10, 2014

Gay Translator

  I want a commitment. I’m sick of masturbation. Haven’t I seen you before? Nice ass. I need you. My hand is tired. You’re the only man I’ve ever cared about. You are the only man who hasn’t rejected me. I’m a Romantic. I’m poor. I really want to get to know you better. So […]

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Ugliest Kid Ever
July 10, 2014

Ugliest Kid Ever

  I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road. He passed a woman who was walking a young child. “Lady”, said the drunk, “that’s the ugliest kid I’ve ever seen. Damn, that is one ugly child!.” As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears. Just […]

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Male Training Seminars
July 10, 2014

Male Training Seminars

1. Combating Stupidity 2. You, Too, Can Do Housework 3. PMS: Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut 4. How to Fill an Ice Tray 5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas: Give us Money 6. Understanding the Female Response to Your Coming in Drunk at 4:00am 7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques: formerly titled […]

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Don’t give woman the finger
July 10, 2014

Don’t give woman the finger

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver, who cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing the driver to drive onto the shoulder to avoid hitting her. This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and gave the woman the finger. “Man, that […]

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Little Johnny
July 10, 2014

Little Johnny

Little Johnny went to Sunday school one Sunday. The lesson for the day was from Genesis. “God opened up Adam’s side, took a rib from him, and created Eve from it,” was what really struck Johnny. Later, that afternoon, Johnny started feeling sick, and his side began to hurt. He layed down on the couch, […]

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10 Signs You Might Be Trailer Trash
July 10, 2014

10 Signs You Might Be Trailer Trash

Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws. You can’t get married to your sweetheart because there’s a law against it. You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it. Somebody hollers “Hoe […]

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