One day the teacher told her class to think of something exiting that happened recently. Little Suzie told about her trip to Florida. Clyde said his dad got drunk all the time. Little Johnny put a dot on the board and the teacher asked him to explain what was exciting about a period. He said, […]
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He told me, ‘I have a 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, […]
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?” Her […]
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was? The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.” The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what […]
The Sunday School lesson for the first graders was on the plan of salvation. The teacher asked, “If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would I get into heaven?” “No!” all the children answered. “If I cleaned the church every day, […]
The Russian said, ‘We were the first in space!’ The American said, ‘We were the first on the moon!’ The Blonde said, ‘So what? We’re going to be the first on the sun!’ The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. ‘You can’t land on the sun, you idiot! You’ll […]
A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, “Are you going to San Diego?” “Sure,” answered the blonde, “do you need a lift?” “Not for me. I’ll be spending the […]
A blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman, “I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains.” The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains. He shows her several patterns, but the blonde seems to have a hard time choosing. Finally she selects a […]
There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, “Now listen, when I die, I want you […]
A man was at a graveyard. He began to moan “Why did you die oh why did you have to die?” A passer by knelt down next to the man and said “Was this person very close to you?” “No, actually I never met him!” replied the man. “Why are you moaning then?” asked the […]
The policeman had the bar under surveillance a few minutes before closing time, so he could see who comes out drunk. The first one out the door at 2:00 o’clock weaved down the sidewalk, then fell on the curb. Sluggishly got up, then tried his keys in five cars before finding his own car. Once […]
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding. Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one. Officer: Don’t have one? Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving. Officer: I see… Can I see your vehicle registration papers […]
