The other night I was invited out for a night with the girls. I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3AM, a bit loaded, I headed home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in […]
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde. The officer asked to see the lady’s driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. “What does it look like?” she finally […]
A magician was working on a cruise ship. Since the audience was different each week, the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the Magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in […]
A balding, white haired man from Chebacco Lake in Florida, walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The […]
God said, “Adam, I want you to do something for Me.” Adam said, “Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?” God said, “Go down into that valley.” Adam said, “What’s a valley?” God explained it to him. Then God said, “Cross the river.” Adam said, “What’s a river?” God explained that to […]
A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast. The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation. So he puts up a sign that reads: “WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!” He smiled smugly […]
A couple had been debating the purchase of a new car for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their […]
The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep. “Excuse me for disturbing you, ma’am,” he said politely, “but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I’ve noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with […]
“Look at ME!!” boasted the fit old man, pounding a very flat and firm stomach, having just finished 100 situps before a group of young people. “Fit as a fiddle! And you want to know why? I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I don’t stay up late, and I don’t chase after loose women!!” He […]
A lady was throwing a party for her granddaughter and had gone all out… a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party started, two bums showed up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman told them that she would give them a meal if they will help chop […]
A man asked his wife, “What would you most like for your birthday?” She said, “I’d love to be ten again.” On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park – the Death Slide, The […]
A few months before his sixtieth birthday, George began planning his party. He called up his 30-year-old daughter for some help. “Why don’t you invite all your old high school buddies?” she asked. “That could be a lot of fun.” “I’d like to bring all my high school buddies to the party,” said George, “but […]
