Waiting hungrily on the lunch line, I eyed the hamburgers being served. Upon reaching the front of the line I asked, “excuse me, can I please have two burgers.” “You’ll get the same as everybody else,” the lady said in a bored voice. After hungrily eating my lunch, I walked to the garbage to throw […]
My daughter sure showed me what a backseat driver I am! On our way to the mall today, I stopped short at a red light causing the car to jolt. As soon as I jerked my 3 year old in the backseat hollered Daaaaave. Not sure why she had called my husband’s name, I asked […]
Birthday Invitation: What? You are invited to Cathy’s birthday party. Where? 1424 Maple Dr. (you will need to be buzzed in, so dial our number with your nose and you will then be buzzed in) Once you’re in the building, press the button for the elevator with your nose. Then press floor number 12 with […]
I lovingly gave my niece a kiss on her cheek upon seeing her at a family get-together. Afterwards, I noticed her wiping her cheek. “Are you wiping off my kiss?”, I asked her. “No”, she smartly replied, “I’m just rubbing it in!”
Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.” “Alright,” says the cop, “then […]
Mrs. Green lived in a two story house together with an elderly widow. After not hearing from her for a few days, she got a bit nervous. “John”, she called to her son “do me a favor and go find out how old Mrs. Robinson is.” So six year old John went down the stairs […]
A cop is doing standard patrol when he notices a car swerving all over the road. He quickly turns on his siren and pulls the guy over. “Alright,” says the cop, when the man gets out of the car. “Walk in a straight line.” “I’d be happy to,” says the drunk “just stop moving the […]
Larry was a photographer for the N.Y. Times, and was scheduled to meet a plane on the runway to take him on a job. “Hit it,” said Larry climbing into the first plane he saw on the runway. The pilot took off, and was soon in the air. “OK,” said Larry, “fly low over the […]
So these two roaches, Tom and Oscar, are hanging out next to a dumpster enjoying a snack. “Hey Tom” said Oscar to his friend, “You know that restaurant down the block? I went there yesterday to pick up some scraps, and I couldn’t believe how clean it was, I could practically see my reflection through […]
Sam heard all about the great service in the “Sleep Fine Hotel”, so after dropping his stuff in his room, he excitedly headed down to the hotel lounge. He was only there for a few minutes when a beautifully dressed waitress came over to him. “Would you like something to drink?” she asked. Sam took […]
Frank lived next door to the city crazy house. One day he was happily minding his own business when he heard some chanting coming from next door. “Twenty one, twenty one, twenty one…” After listening for a few minutes curiosity got the better of him and he strolled over to see if he could figure […]
“It was terrible”, moaned John upon entering the classroom a half hour late. “I left with plenty of time to arrive at school on time, but it was so slippery that every step I took, I slipped two steps back.” “Well,” said the teacher, with a suspicious look on his face, “how in the world […]
