Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer. You lick your coffeepot clean. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee. You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers. People get dizzy just watching you. Instant coffee […]
My four year old daughter had a terrible case of the flu, she was achy, had a high fever, and was terribly hoarse. After waiting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office for over an hour we were finally admitted to see the Doctor. After the usual routine of listening to her breathing and […]
John was a firm believer of ‘the more the merrier’. After only 10 years of marriage he already had 8 kids. When John was forced to move because of his job he was having a very hard time finding an apartment where the landlord would be willing to rent to such a big family. Finally […]
John had been a red cross responder for years, but there was still one incident that happened in his first year on the job, that he would never forget. They had been searching a rocky river for hours searching for a woman by the name of Wendy. After many fruitless attempts at calling “Wendy, it’s […]
“Honey!” screamed my husband from our bedroom, “you MUST check this out! “What is it?” I hollered back from the kitchen. “You’re not going to believe what I found when I was drilling a hole through the wall! I found a secret stash of bottles!” Just then I heard my daughters voice hollering from the […]
A Football team was on the field during practice, when to their surprise, a big turkey suddenly walked up to the coach and demanded a tryout. “Are you crazy,” hollered the coach, “we don’t give tryouts to turkeys.” Before he knew it the turkey started dashing towards the football and made a fantastic catch. “That […]
A string walks into a bar. “Excuse me,” he asks “can I please have a drink?” “Nope” replies the bartender “we don’t serve strings.” Upset at the racism the string asks a fellow at the bar to buy him a drink. Seeing this the bartender picks him up and throws him out of the bar. […]
The local church was desperately looking to hire someone to ring the church bell. After over a week of no leads, a fellow shows up asking for the job. The president of the church walks out of his office to interview the job candidate when he notices the man has no arms. “Excuse me sir”, […]
A drunk phoned the local police department to report that thieves had been in his car. “They have stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator,” he cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time, and the same voice came over the line. “Nevermind,” […]
A man walks into a bar obviously stone drunk, and asks for a drink. “Sorry,” the bartender says, “but you obviously already had a little too much to drink.” Fuming mad the drunk walks out the front door and walks into the side door. “Can I have a drink please.” “Sorry” the bartender says “but […]
Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.” “Alright,” says the cop, […]
Jeff was fast asleep in his at bed at 3:00 am when he heard an urgent knocking at the door. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes he made his way to the door. “Can you give me a push”, asked the man at the door.” Jeff looked at the man, thinking he looked […]
