Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. “Don’t worry, son. Your mother will come back. She’s only bringing people babies and making them happy.” The next night, it’s father’s turn to do the job. […]
The local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The volunteer in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. “Our research shows that out of a yearly income of more than $600,000 you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like […]
In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Montana Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the field. “We advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren’t […]
A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side […]
A man wakes up one morning in Alaska to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there’s an ad for ‘Bear Removers.’ He calls the number, and the bear remover says he’ll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his […]
Five surgeons were talking about the best patients… First surgeon says, “Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything on the inside is numbered.” Second surgeon says, “Nah – librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order.” Third surgeon responds, “Try electricians! Everything inside them is […]
Deductive reasoning is a lot simpler than many people realize. Just see if it isn’t: Neighbour 1: “Hi, there, new neighbour, it sure is a mighty nice day to be moving.” New Neighbour: “Yes, it is and people around here seem extremely friendly.” Neighbour 1: “So what is it you do for a living?” New […]
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a goose walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the goose’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s […]
1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: “I wan’ all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan’ all the kids to copulate me.” 2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: “I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 […]
By Dave Barry 1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, it’s full potential, that word would be “meetings.” 3. There is a very fine […]
A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old officer. He tells the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.” The rancher says, “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there,” as he points out the location. The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, ” Mister, […]
Funny, but true 😉 A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. “You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the […]
