When your kids are driving you bananas, consider calling the psychiatric hotline to take your mind off your worries at home. TELEPHONE: Ring, Ring,… RECORDING: ‘Hello, welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1, repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please […]
Once there was a little boy playing around his house. He was twirling around, and suddenly, he knocked over the outhouse. Frightened that he would be caught, he ran into the woods and didn’t come out until it got dark. When he arrived back home, his father was waiting for him. He asked suspiciously, “Son, […]
A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit says, “Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest! You’ll see, you’ll feel so much better!” The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and […]
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening worship service and was startled to find an intruder in her house. Catching the man in the act of burglarizing her home, she yelled, “STOP! Acts 2:38!” (“Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ so that […]
Note: This isn’t funny, from one point of view, but then, from another… A Highway Patrolman waited outside a popular bar, hoping for a bust. At closing time everyone come out and he spotted his potential quarry. The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He stumbled around the parking lot for […]
An Irishman’s been drinking at a pub all night. When he stands up to leave, he falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, but to no avail. Again, he falls flat on his face. He figures he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him […]
A duck walks into a bar and says “Do you have duck food here?” The bartender says “No” and the duck leaves. The duck comes back the next day and says “Do you have duck food?” The bartender says “No.” The duck comes back the next day and says “Do you have any duck food?” […]
Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says: “You know last week I discovered that, if you jump from the top of this building, by the time you fall to the tenth floor, the winds around the building are so intense […]
A pair of tourists were out in the fields when they discovered an abandoned well near an old farm house. Of course they’re curious so they drop a small stone into the well, but they never hear it hit bottom. They search and find a larger rock and drop it into the well but once […]
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. […]
A man is sitting alone at a bar. No one else is there except the bartender. All of a sudden, he hears someone say “Nice shirt.” He looks around, and nobody’s there. A little while later, he hears “I like your tie.” Looks around and, again, nobody’s there. Once again he hears the same voice […]
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replied, “I see […]
