A drunk walks up to a barkeeper one day and says, “If I show you a trick will you give me a free drink?” The Barkeep says “Depends on how good of a trick it is.” The Drunk reaches into his pocket and pulls out a frog and places him behind the piano. The frog […]
I want a commitment. I’m sick of masturbation. Haven’t I seen you before? Nice ass. I need you. My hand is tired. You’re the only man I’ve ever cared about. You are the only man who hasn’t rejected me. I’m a Romantic. I’m poor. I really want to get to know you better. So […]
I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road. He passed a woman who was walking a young child. “Lady”, said the drunk, “that’s the ugliest kid I’ve ever seen. Damn, that is one ugly child!.” As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears. Just […]
1. Combating Stupidity 2. You, Too, Can Do Housework 3. PMS: Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut 4. How to Fill an Ice Tray 5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas: Give us Money 6. Understanding the Female Response to Your Coming in Drunk at 4:00am 7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques: formerly titled […]
An alien walks into a bar and sits next to a drunk guy and begins poking him in the shoulder. The drunk guy just ignores him. After a wile the guy turns to the alien and begins looking him up and down. He notices that the alien has no genitalia. He then asks “You guys […]
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. One night, a few co-workers at the computer data centre where I work stayed late and we all started to get hungry. We decided to order in food by phone, but our […]
I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver, who cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing the driver to drive onto the shoulder to avoid hitting her. This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and gave the woman the finger. “Man, that […]
I was in Wal-Mart one day, buying a large bag of Purina for our dog. While I was in line, to check out, a woman behind me asked if I had a dog… Duh! I was feeling a bit crabby, so on impulse I told her, “No, I’m starting ‘The Purina Diet’ again… although […]
A Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog. Ever mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must also be a Baptist. They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally, they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog they wanted. The owner brought […]
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and asks, “My dog’s cross-eyed… is there anything you can do for him?” “Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him.” So, he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says “I’m going to have to put him […]
A guy is driving around Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a house: Talking Dog For Sale. He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there. “You talk?” he asks. “Yep,” the Lab […]
The first surgeon, from New York, says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table because, when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.” The second, from Chicago, responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color-coded.” The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, “No, I really think librarians are the […]
