A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and asks, “My dog’s cross-eyed… is there anything you can do for him?” “Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him.” So, he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says “I’m going to have to put him […]
A guy is driving around Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a house: Talking Dog For Sale. He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there. “You talk?” he asks. “Yep,” the Lab […]
An elderly man in Louisiana owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, […]
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a […]
Once upon a time there was a man with a 25 inch penis. Any guy would be excited to have such a big penis, but this man was not. So one day his friend told him about a witch who could help him. So the friend gave the man the witch’s address. The next day […]
In an elementary school lesson, a little girl in the class raised her hand and said: “I just learned that Jonah in the bible was swallowed by a whale.” The teacher explained that it is physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it is a very large mammal, its throat […]
A frog walks into a bank and approaches the teller, whose name plate says Patricia Whack. “Miss Whack, I’d like to get a $50,000 loan to take a vacation.” Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. “Kermit Jagger. My father is Mick Jagger. It will be fine to authorize the loan, […]
Two guys were out walking their dogs on a hot day, when they pass by a pub. Mike looks at his friend John and says “Let’s go in there for a quick drink.” John replies with, “They won’t let us in with our dogs.” “Sure they will, just follow my lead.” Mike walks up to […]
Two farmers, John and Henry, were sitting around talking about their day when John notices a pig with a wooden leg hobbling across the front yard. He turned to his friend and asks, “Henry, why does that pig have a wooden leg?” “Well, John, that pig…,” his eyes mist up, “That pig’s mighty special! […]
An 86 year-old man is out fishing. He was sitting in his boat when he heard a voice say, “Pick me up!” He looked around and did not see any one. He thought he was dreaming until he heard the voice again. “Pick me up.” The old man looked in the water and there, floating […]
A young blonde was on vacation in the swamps of Louisiana. She really wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes to bring back for her boyfriend but didn’t want to pay the high prices the local stores were charging. After becoming very frustrated with the local shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, “I’ll just go out and […]
A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says to himself with caution, “This guy looks edible, never seen his kind before.” So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic but as he’s about to run he sees some […]
