Category: Animal Jokes

Talking Dog For Sale
July 9, 2014

Talking Dog For Sale

A guy sees a sign in front of a house: “Talking Dog for Sale.” He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there. “You talk?” he asks. “Sure do,” the dog replies. “Sooo, what’s your […]

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A man, a sheep and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck
July 9, 2014

A man, a sheep and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck

They found themselves stranded on an island. After being there a while, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down. One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze warm and gentle-a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the […]

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A Penguin Took His Car To The Shop
July 9, 2014

A Penguin Took His Car To The Shop

A penguin was driving along when he smelled something burning. He took his car to a mechanic to get it checked out. The mechanic said it’ll be about an hour so the penguin went walking around town. He stopped at an ice cream parlor and ordered a cone. The penguin tried eating the ice cream, […]

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Hair
July 9, 2014

Hair

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly said, “That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair.” …. the girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister, “My monkey […]

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A chemistry professor
July 9, 2014

A chemistry professor

A chemistry professor wanted to teach the 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms. “Now, class. Observe closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the […]

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Funny Corny Jokes
July 9, 2014

Funny Corny Jokes

What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop. What did the ghost say to the wall? Hey, sorry just passing thru. How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line! What did one wall say to the other? Meet you at the corner. What do you call a bear […]

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My duck is dead?
July 9, 2014

My duck is dead?

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon and laid it on the table. The vet pulled out his stethoscope, listened to the bird’s chest and informed the woman that her duck was dead. The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure? I mean, you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. […]

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Royal Tyrell Museum
July 9, 2014

Royal Tyrell Museum

A visitor at the Royal Tyrell Museum asks a museum employee: “Can you tell me how old the skeleton of that T-Rex is?” “It is precisely 60 million and three years, two months, and eighteen days old.” “How can you know that with such precision?!” “Well, when I started working here, one of the scientists […]

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A math student and a computer science student
July 9, 2014

A math student and a computer science student

A math student and a computer science student are jogging together in a park when they hear a voice: “Please, help me!” They stop and look. The voice belongs to a frog sitting in the grass. “Please, help me!” the frog repeats. “I’m not really a frog: I’m an enchanted, beautiful princess. Kiss me, and […]

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Elephant
July 9, 2014

Elephant

The class teacher asks students to name an animal that begins with an “E”. One boy says, “Elephant.” Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a “T”. The same boy says, “Two elephants.” The teacher sends the boy out of the class for bad behavior. After that she asks for an animal […]

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Blind Man
July 8, 2014

Blind Man

Two men, Jim and John, were walking their dogs when they passed by a restaurant. “Let’s go in and get something to eat,” Jim suggested. “We can’t” responded John, “don’t you see the sign says NO PETS ALLOWED.” “Aah, that sign,” said Jim “don’t worry about it” and taking out a pair of sunglasses, he […]

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Dogs
July 8, 2014

Dogs

Dan hated dogs, he hated them with a passion. One morning Dan was driving his car down a busy street when to his surprise he saw ahead of him a fellow running full force with 2 big dogs after him. “I’ve just got to save this guy”, thought Dan, and with that he quickly sped […]

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