Category: Family Jokes

Christmas tree
July 9, 2014

Christmas tree

  A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, there are three kinds of Boobs. In her 20′s, a woman’s are like melons, round and firm. In her 30′s to 40′s, they are like pears, still nice […]

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Olympic condoms
July 9, 2014

Olympic condoms

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made. “Olympic condoms?”, she blurts, “What makes them so special?” “There are three colors”, he replies, “Gold, Silver and Bronze.” “What color are you […]

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Wife accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office
July 9, 2014

Wife accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into the office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.” “Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. […]

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A newlywed husband
July 9, 2014

A newlywed husband

A newlywed husband is discouraged by his wife’s obsession with mathematics. Afraid of being second fiddle to her profession, he finally confronts her: “Do you love math more than me?” “Of course not, dear – I love you much more!” Happy, although sceptical, he challenges her: “Well, then prove it!” Pondering a bit, she responds: […]

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The professor
July 9, 2014

The professor

At the end of his course on mathematical methods in optimization, the professor sternly looks at his students and says: “There is one final piece of advice I’m going to give you now: Whatever you have learned in my course – never ever try to apply it to your personal lives!” “Why?” the students ask. […]

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Heart attack
July 9, 2014

Heart attack

A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. “What’s up?” he says. “I’m having a heart attack,” cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he’s dialing, his […]

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School bus
July 9, 2014

School bus

The new family in the neighborhood overslept and their six-year-old daughter missed her school bus. The father, though late for work himself, had to drive her. Since he did not know the way, he said that she would have to direct him to the school. They rode several blocks before she told him to turn […]

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Wrong email address
July 9, 2014

Wrong email address

A couple going on vacation but his wife was on a business trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unfortunately, when typing her address, he mistyped a letter and his note […]

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How could I ever repay you?
July 8, 2014

How could I ever repay you?

A married couple was in a terrible accident and the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor […]

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One Way To Save Money
July 8, 2014

One Way To Save Money

Marty called his son: “Harry I have news to tell you, I know it’s going to upset you but I have made up my mind and there is nothing you can do about it. I have decided to divorce your mother.” “But dad how can that be,“ the son asked, “you have been married for […]

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Toilet Brush
July 8, 2014

Toilet Brush

Lauren was frustrated. She had complained dozens of times to her daughter about her newest gag of kissing the bathroom mirror immediately after applying lipstick, but it was all to no avail. Finally, one day after spending a half hour scrubbing the mirror, only to find another kiss mark an hour later, Lauren had enough. […]

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Toupee
July 8, 2014

Toupee

Ted was going bald, there was no two ways about it. Trying to cheer him up his wife Barbara bought him a toupee. Barbara was very excited to show off her “new husband,” so she was thrilled when one of their friends invited them to a party at their house. It was later that night […]

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