Q. Why was the student vampire tired in the morning? A. Because he was up all night studying for his blood test! Q. Why should a skeleton drink 10 glasses of milk a day? A. It’s good for the bones. Q. What did the skeleton say to the vampire? A. You suck. Q. How […]
A daring vacationer is walking through a graveyard on Halloween when all of a sudden she hears music. No one is around, so she starts looking to see where it’s coming from. She finally locates the source and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads, “Ludwig van Beethoven.” Then she […]
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his […]
One dark night, two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at […]
With tears in his eyes, the little boy told his kindergarten teacher that only one pair of boots was left in the classroom and they weren’t his. The teacher searched and searched, but she couldn’t find any other boots. “Are you sure these boots aren’t yours?” – she asked. “I’m sure,” the little boy sobbed. […]
Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet. After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, “Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?” The third fellow says, “I’ll tell you. […]
Customer: “My youngest son was surfing the web last night and to my shock he was at a British comedy site.” Tech Support: “Yes, what is the problem?” Customer: “The ‘.uk’ at the end — doesn’t that stand for United Kingdom?” Tech Support: “Yes.” Customer: “Just great — I knew it! He’s in trouble now! […]
The teacher began: “Can anyone in class tell us the meaning of axis?” “I can, Sir. Here goes: The axis of the earth is an imaginary line that passes from one pole to the other and on which the earth revolves.” “Very good,” the teacher said, “but could you hang clothes on that line?” “Yep! […]
Teacher: “If your father earned $50,000 a month and gave your mother half, what would she have?” Student: “Heart failure or maybe a stroke!” Teacher: “In the alphabet, what comes after ‘O’?” Student: “Yeah.” Teacher: “Attention class! First off, who can name a deadly poison?” Charlie: “I can, teacher. Aviation. One drop and you’re dead.”
Outside, there’s a terrible thunderstorm. Finally, one of the men thinks that it’s time to leave. Since he has drunk a lot, he decides to walk home. “But aren’t you afraid of being struck by lightning?” his friend asks. “Not at all. Statistics shows that, in this part of the country, one person per year […]
A graduate student of mathematics who used to come to the university on foot every day arrives one day on a fancy new bicycle. “Where did you get the bike from?” his friends want to know. “It’s a `thank you’ present”, he explains, “from that freshman girl I’ve been tutoring. But the story is kind […]
A mathematician gives a talk intended for a general audience. The talk is announced in the local newspaper, but he expects few people to show up because nobody who is not a mathematician will be able to make any sense of the title: Convex sets and inequalities. To his surprise, the auditorium is crammed when […]
