I was eagerly drinking in the attention in my grandson’s second grade class telling them what it was like to be a Navy Seal. My bubble was soon burst when I asked if there are any questions. “So” questioned one girl, “can you balance a ball on your nose?”
“Are you the tooth fairy?” my seven year old asked, after yet another tooth fell out. Very impressed that she picked up on this, I assured her that I am in fact the tooth fairy. My bubble was burst a few minutes later, when after thinking for a few seconds she asked, “how do you […]
I was at a magic show, when after one particularly amazing trick, someone screamed out, “wow, how did you do that.” I would tell you”, answered the magician predictably, “but then I’d have to kill you.” After a moments pause the same voice screamed out “can you tell my mother in law?”
Although Barbara was very generous with her money, and did give away a lot of it to charity, she had one hangup. She refused to answer the door for solicitors. Instead she would have one of her maids answer the door and give a donation. Given the circumstances, the maid was quite surprised to see […]
“Alright! I’ll drive them to the field trip tomorrow,” sighed my neighbour resignedly. Sure enough the next day found her with a van full of 7 to 10 year olds. Clearly distracted, my neighbour cruised right through a stop sign, “Don’t you know how to stop?” Screamed the exasperated crossing guard, running towards the car. […]
A lady rubbed a bottle and a genie popped out. “You have one wish” said the genie. “Hey” countered the lady “I thought I get three wishes?” “Not from me” said the genie “I’m not that powerful.” “OK” responded the lady taking out a map, “I am making a wish for peace between this country……… […]
A lady went to a psychiatrist complaining of a terrible phobia. “Every time I lay down on my bed I get this terrible fear that there is something underneath. “Wow” responded the psychiatrist “I’ve never heard of such a phobia, but like all phobias it can be treated, but it will likely take around 20 […]
An older couple were walking on a beach when the husband tripped over a bottle and a genie came out. “You can each have one wish,” said the genie. The wife made her wish first “I would like to travel around the world, with my husband,”. Suddenly there appeared in her hand two tickets to […]
Waiting hungrily on the lunch line, I eyed the hamburgers being served. Upon reaching the front of the line I asked, “excuse me, can I please have two burgers.” “You’ll get the same as everybody else,” the lady said in a bored voice. After hungrily eating my lunch, I walked to the garbage to throw […]
My daughter sure showed me what a backseat driver I am! On our way to the mall today, I stopped short at a red light causing the car to jolt. As soon as I jerked my 3 year old in the backseat hollered Daaaaave. Not sure why she had called my husband’s name, I asked […]
Birthday Invitation: What? You are invited to Cathy’s birthday party. Where? 1424 Maple Dr. (you will need to be buzzed in, so dial our number with your nose and you will then be buzzed in) Once you’re in the building, press the button for the elevator with your nose. Then press floor number 12 with […]
Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.” “Alright,” says the cop, “then […]
