Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your child’s school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all options before making a selection: To stretch the truth about why your child is absent, Press 1. To make excuses for why your child did not do […]
After being interviewed by the school administration, the teaching prospect said, “Let me see if I’ve got this right… You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love […]
Supposedly a True Story — Author unknown An honest man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. […]
There was a Scottish painter named Smokey MacGregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Baptist Church decided to do a big […]
One day a 6 year old girl was sitting in a classroom. The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children. The teacher asked a little boy: TEACHER : Tommy, do you see the tree outside? TOMMY : Yes. 
TEACHER : Tommy, do you see the grass outside? TOMMY : Yes. TEACHER : […]
Everything can be filed under ‘miscellaneous.’ Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour. To err is human, to forgive is not company policy. Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail. There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but […]
Prior to the invasion of Iraq, the Pentagon announced the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF). These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Texas and West Virginia boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about […]
It seems that a young man volunteered for Navy service during World War II. He had such a high aptitude for aviation that he was sent right to Pensacola, Florida, skipping boot camp. The very first day at Pensacola he solos and is the best flier on the base. All they could do was give […]
An Amish woman was driving her buggy to town when a highway patrol officer stopped her. “I’m not going to cite you,” said the officer. “I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken, and it could be dangerous.” “I thank thee,” replied the lady. “I shall […]
A woman is driving toward home in Northern Arizona when she sees a Navajo woman hitchhiking. Because the trip had been long and quiet, she stops the car and the Navajo woman climbs in. During their small talk, the Navajo woman glances surreptitiously at a brown bag on the front seat between them. “If you’re […]
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. “You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as […]
One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the […]
