On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. ‘One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,’ […]
I was walking down the street the other day when I saw my best friend Jeff. I walked up to him and mentioned that I had the craziest dream the other night. Jeff listened as I told him that the dream consisted of just one thing. A huge glowing number “5”. It was made of […]
Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, the pretty girl said, “I would like to buy this material for my new dress. How much does it cost?” “Only one kiss per yard,” replied the male clerk with a smirk on his face. “That’s fine,” said the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.” With expectation and […]
Reaching the end of an extensive job interview, the HR person asked a young Engineer fresh out of college, “And what starting salary were you looking for?” The engineering graduate said, “In the range of $100,000 – 125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The HR person said, “Well, what would you say to […]
A store that sells husbands has just opened in ???? City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE ! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the […]
The difference between men talking and women talking. Two women talking: Woman 1: “Oh! You got a haircut! That’s so cute!” Woman 2: “Do you think so? I wasn’t sure when she gave me the mirror. I Mean, you don’t think it’s too fluffy looking?” Woman 1: “No, it’s perfect. I would love to get […]
A psychology professor asked his students just one question for their final exams: “How are you going to make me believe that the chair in front of you is invisible?” It took all students an hour to finish the answer, except a lazy student who took only 5 seconds. Eventually, the lazy student got the […]
[The phone rings at FBI headquarters.] “Hello?” “Hello, is this FBI?” “Yes. What do you want?” “I’m calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood.” “This will be noted.” Next day, the FBI comes over to Tom’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece […]
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend: “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replied, “I see […]
An Engineer dies and goes to hell. He’s hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was […]
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage, a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you could talk.” The monkey looked up at […]
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.” Horrified, Katie told her […]
