When your kids are driving you bananas, consider calling the psychiatric hotline to take your mind off your worries at home. TELEPHONE: Ring, Ring,… RECORDING: ‘Hello, welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1, repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please […]
A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side […]
An Amish woman was driving her buggy to town when a highway patrol officer stopped her. “I’m not going to cite you,” said the officer. “I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken, and it could be dangerous.” “I thank thee,” replied the lady. “I shall […]
A woman is driving toward home in Northern Arizona when she sees a Navajo woman hitchhiking. Because the trip had been long and quiet, she stops the car and the Navajo woman climbs in. During their small talk, the Navajo woman glances surreptitiously at a brown bag on the front seat between them. “If you’re […]
A guy is driving around Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a house: Talking Dog For Sale. He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there. “You talk?” he asks. “Yep,” the Lab […]
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding. Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one. Officer: Don’t have one? Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving. Officer: I see… Can I see your vehicle registration papers […]
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage, a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you could talk.” The monkey looked up at […]
A penguin was driving along when he smelled something burning. He took his car to a mechanic to get it checked out. The mechanic said it’ll be about an hour so the penguin went walking around town. He stopped at an ice cream parlor and ordered a cone. The penguin tried eating the ice cream, […]
Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.” “Alright,” says the cop, […]
