Tag: drunk

God Loves Drunk People Too
July 10, 2014

God Loves Drunk People Too

  A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. “Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3:00 in the morning!” He slams […]

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Aliens are Sneaky
July 10, 2014

Aliens are Sneaky

An alien walks into a bar and sits next to a drunk guy and begins poking him in the shoulder. The drunk guy just ignores him. After a wile the guy turns to the alien and begins looking him up and down. He notices that the alien has no genitalia. He then asks “You guys […]

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10 Signs You Might Be Trailer Trash
July 10, 2014

10 Signs You Might Be Trailer Trash

Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws. You can’t get married to your sweetheart because there’s a law against it. You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it. Somebody hollers “Hoe […]

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Valentines Slogans
July 10, 2014

Valentines Slogans

  10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk, But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk. 9. Our love will never become cold and hollow, Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow. 8. I bought this Valentine’s card at the store, In hopes that, later, you’d be my whore. 7. This […]

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Car Stickers
July 10, 2014

Car Stickers

  I may be a cold hearted and a unloving bitch, but I’m damn good at it How am I driving? Call 1800-KISS-MY-ASS I’m not an alcholic Alcoholics go to meetings I am a drunk NO FAT CHICKS! Dont laugh at my ride, your daughter may be in it! Horn broke watch for finger I’m […]

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Drunken Man
July 10, 2014

Drunken Man

  A drunken man staggers into a catholic church and sits down in a confession box but says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final atempt to get the man to speak. Finally the drunk […]

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Little Johnny’s Exciting Story
July 10, 2014

Little Johnny’s Exciting Story

One day the teacher told her class to think of something exiting that happened recently. Little Suzie told about her trip to Florida. Clyde said his dad got drunk all the time. Little Johnny put a dot on the board and the teacher asked him to explain what was exciting about a period. He said, […]

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Pub Steakout
July 10, 2014

Pub Steakout

The policeman had the bar under surveillance a few minutes before closing time, so he could see who comes out drunk. The first one out the door at 2:00 o’clock weaved down the sidewalk, then fell on the curb. Sluggishly got up, then tried his keys in five cars before finding his own car. Once […]

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Caught Speeding
July 10, 2014

Caught Speeding

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding. Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one. Officer: Don’t have one? Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving. Officer: I see… Can I see your vehicle registration papers […]

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Drunk guy
July 9, 2014

Drunk guy

  A drunk guy walks into a bar and walks up to a guy and says, “I just had sex with your mom!” The guy walks away angrily. A few minutes later the drunk guy comes up to the guy again and says, “I just had great sex with your mom!” The guy walks away […]

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Walk The Line
July 8, 2014

Walk The Line

A cop is doing standard patrol when he notices a car swerving all over the road. He quickly turns on his siren and pulls the guy over. “Alright,” says the cop, when the man gets out of the car. “Walk in a straight line.” “I’d be happy to,” says the drunk “just stop moving the […]

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The bar
July 8, 2014

The bar

A man walks into a bar obviously stone drunk, and asks for a drink. “Sorry,” the bartender says, “but you obviously already had a little too much to drink.” Fuming mad the drunk walks out the front door and walks into the side door. “Can I have a drink please.” “Sorry” the bartender says “but […]

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