What did the chemist say when he found two isotopes in helium? HeHe. What weapon can you make with potassium, nickel, and iron? A KNiFe. Where and how frequently do chemists have sex? On the table, periodically. What do you call the males of a tribe called Ganese? Manganese. Why did the chemist help the […]
A group of students were discussing which of their specialties was of the most practical use. A fellow student appeared at the table with a large pink gin. The chemist proceeded to explain why it was pink in color. The physicist measured the specific gravity. The mathematician calculated the cost per unit volume. The doctor […]
A student goes into his lab right at the end of the class hour. Fearing he’ll get an “F”, he asks a fellow student what she’s been doing. “We’ve been observing water under the microscope. We’re supposed to write up what we see.” The page of her notebook is filled with little figures resembling circles […]
What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop. What did the ghost say to the wall? Hey, sorry just passing thru. How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line! What did one wall say to the other? Meet you at the corner. What do you call a bear […]
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon and laid it on the table. The vet pulled out his stethoscope, listened to the bird’s chest and informed the woman that her duck was dead. The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure? I mean, you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. […]
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into the office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.” “Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. […]
Father William, the old priest, made it a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names. Father William jokingly told them that in […]
Santa Claus makes his way down the chimney, and is met by a lovely young woman in a robe. She says, “Santa, how about giving me a special present. I know you’d like to come into my bedroom.” Santa responds, “Ho! Ho! Ho! Gotta go. Gotta go. Gotta deliver all these toys to the […]
Q. Why was the student vampire tired in the morning? A. Because he was up all night studying for his blood test! Q. Why should a skeleton drink 10 glasses of milk a day? A. It’s good for the bones. Q. What did the skeleton say to the vampire? A. You suck. Q. How […]
A daring vacationer is walking through a graveyard on Halloween when all of a sudden she hears music. No one is around, so she starts looking to see where it’s coming from. She finally locates the source and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads, “Ludwig van Beethoven.” Then she […]
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his […]
One dark night, two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at […]
