Sam walks into his boss’s office. “Sir, I’ll be straight with you, I know the economy isn’t great, but I have over three companies after me, and I would like to respectfully ask for a raise.” After a few minutes of haggling the boss finally agrees to a 5% raise, and Sam happily gets up […]
Bernice had been employed at the same office for over 50 years and was the boss’s top secretary. Everyone was jealous of her. Every day when Bernice showed up for work she would open the drawer to her left, peek inside, and then lock it. When she finally died, her coworker Sandy, who was dying […]
Max was caught red handed by a police officer in the very act of burglarizing a store. He was quickly brought to trial. “How do you plead?” asked the judge. “Your honor,” answered Max, “before I plead guilty or not guilty I ask that the court kindly appoint a lawyer to defend me.” “Max, you […]
“Frank Smith,” announced the judge, “for breaking into a house in the middle of the night, I sentence you to two years in prison.” “But your honor,” pleaded Smith, “last time I was in court you sentenced me to a year in jail for breaking into a house in the day! If not in the […]
“I just can’t take it anymore” cried Larry to his Priest. “No matter how hard I try, I just can’t seem to put bread on the table!” “Larry, listen closely to what I am going to tell you,” said the Priest. “Go to a quiet place outdoors where you can spend some time with the […]
“So, Jimmy”, said Grandpa, as they stood on line at the local grocery store. “What did you learn in school today?” “To tell you the truth”, answered young Jimmy, “I’m not exactly sure”. “My teacher was going on and on about something called ethics, and I still don’t know what she was talking about!” Jimmy […]
Always self conscious of his lack of ears, whenever Bob would interview a future employee, he would as him “what do you notice different about me?”. If the employee would mention his lack of ears (which often they did), it would be a for sure “no” for the job. However if the employee would mention […]
Sam and Thomas had been business partners for the past 50 years. They were in the wholesale clothing business and lately business was not as glorious as it had been. They had recently bought 400 polka dot dresses and no one seemed the slightest bit interested in them. After holding on to the dresses for […]
For a couple of years I’ve been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason: I’m tired because I’m overworked. The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are […]
Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.”How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks an accountant.”Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer. All of them board […]
There were four teenagers who played hooky one morning. Upon coming to class in the afternoon, they reported that their lateness was because their car got a flat tire. That’s fine the teacher said much to the students relief. But there was an oral test this morning which you boys have to make up, so […]
A duck walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “Do you have any grapes?” “Nope” responded the bartender, “try somewhere else.” The duck walks out and back in: “Do you sell grapes?” “I told you already, I don’t” responded the bartender, “stop bothering me.” The duck walks back out and then back in again. […]
