A guy sees a sign in front of a house: “Talking Dog for Sale.” He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there. “You talk?” he asks. “Sure do,” the dog replies. “Sooo, what’s your […]
They found themselves stranded on an island. After being there a while, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down. One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze warm and gentle-a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the […]
A penguin was driving along when he smelled something burning. He took his car to a mechanic to get it checked out. The mechanic said it’ll be about an hour so the penguin went walking around town. He stopped at an ice cream parlor and ordered a cone. The penguin tried eating the ice cream, […]
A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly said, “That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair.” …. the girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister, “My monkey […]
A chemistry professor wanted to teach the 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms. “Now, class. Observe closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the […]
What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop. What did the ghost say to the wall? Hey, sorry just passing thru. How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line! What did one wall say to the other? Meet you at the corner. What do you call a bear […]
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon and laid it on the table. The vet pulled out his stethoscope, listened to the bird’s chest and informed the woman that her duck was dead. The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure? I mean, you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. […]
A visitor at the Royal Tyrell Museum asks a museum employee: “Can you tell me how old the skeleton of that T-Rex is?” “It is precisely 60 million and three years, two months, and eighteen days old.” “How can you know that with such precision?!” “Well, when I started working here, one of the scientists […]
A math student and a computer science student are jogging together in a park when they hear a voice: “Please, help me!” They stop and look. The voice belongs to a frog sitting in the grass. “Please, help me!” the frog repeats. “I’m not really a frog: I’m an enchanted, beautiful princess. Kiss me, and […]
The class teacher asks students to name an animal that begins with an “E”. One boy says, “Elephant.” Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a “T”. The same boy says, “Two elephants.” The teacher sends the boy out of the class for bad behavior. After that she asks for an animal […]
Two men, Jim and John, were walking their dogs when they passed by a restaurant. “Let’s go in and get something to eat,” Jim suggested. “We can’t” responded John, “don’t you see the sign says NO PETS ALLOWED.” “Aah, that sign,” said Jim “don’t worry about it” and taking out a pair of sunglasses, he […]
