A duck walks into a bar and says “Do you have duck food here?” The bartender says “No” and the duck leaves. The duck comes back the next day and says “Do you have duck food?” The bartender says “No.” The duck comes back the next day and says “Do you have any duck food?” […]
A man is sitting alone at a bar. No one else is there except the bartender. All of a sudden, he hears someone say “Nice shirt.” He looks around, and nobody’s there. A little while later, he hears “I like your tie.” Looks around and, again, nobody’s there. Once again he hears the same voice […]
A man walks in a bar and the bartender asks, “What’ll you have?” The man answers, “A scotch on the rocks, please.” The bartender hands him the drink, and says, “That’ll be five dollars.” “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this,” the man replies. A lawyer, sitting nearby and […]
A pirate walked into a bar and sat down for a drink. The bartender asked, “Gee you look awful, are you feeling okay?” “I feel fine, why do you ask?,” said the pirate. “Well your leg is half missing, you have a wooden peg leg!” “Arrr that happened a few years back, cannonball came right […]
Joe was sitting at a bar. He was totally depressed. The bartender, serving him a drink, asked what was wrong. “I’ll never understand women.” – said Joe. “The other night on my birthday, my wife said as my gift, I could do with her what I wanted.” “Wow! That’s quite some gift.” – said the […]
A duck walks into a bar around lunchtime, sits down and orders a beer and a sandwich. The bartender looks at him and says, “Oh my God, a talking duck! What are you doing here?” The duck replies, “I’m dry-walling the building across the street. I’ll be in town for a few days.” The next […]
A duck walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “Do you have any grapes?” “Nope” responded the bartender, “try somewhere else.” The duck walks out and back in: “Do you sell grapes?” “I told you already, I don’t” responded the bartender, “stop bothering me.” The duck walks back out and then back in again. […]
“Hey guys who wants to hear a blonde joke?” Said a blind old man after settling himself down on a stool in the bar. The question was met with dead silent. After a few second pause, the bartender walked up to the blind fella and put his face right up to his nose and said […]
Harry was sick and tired of being constantly badgered by his wife Barbara for spending so much time at the bar. Hoping it would help matters, Harry invited Barbara along with him. “So what would you like?” Harry cordially asked, as she took her seat next to him. “Oh I don’t know” Barbara replied, “I […]
A string walks into a bar. “Excuse me,” he asks “can I please have a drink?” “Nope” replies the bartender “we don’t serve strings.” Upset at the racism the string asks a fellow at the bar to buy him a drink. Seeing this the bartender picks him up and throws him out of the bar. […]
A man walks into a bar obviously stone drunk, and asks for a drink. “Sorry,” the bartender says, “but you obviously already had a little too much to drink.” Fuming mad the drunk walks out the front door and walks into the side door. “Can I have a drink please.” “Sorry” the bartender says “but […]
Harry was sick and tired of being constantly badgered by his wife Barbara for spending so much time at the bar. Hoping it would help matters, Harry invited Barbara along with him. “So what would you like?” Harry cordially asked, as she took her seat next to him. “Oh I don’t know” Barbara replied, […]
